Apologize to everyone.
Why did I apologize to the hairdresser? I told her I was sorry. As she was putting the finishing touches on my bangs, I asked her to revisit the back of my hair. It wasn't short enough. I told her that I should have brought a picture and that I've had a long day and I couldn't communicate properly as to what I was looking for in a decent 'do. It was my fault. I said if I hadn't pushed to have my haircut professionally, I would have taken scissors to my head later on that night. Then I went on to surmise that my hair looked like a Lego person's hair—like a plastic head cap of solid color that doesn't move unless you pop it off to snap on the bicycle helmet headpiece. But then I would be androgynous. Nothing to differentiate me from the male Lego people in town. Again, sorry to be a spazz. Can you just razor the crap out of my hair?
After this experience, I began to think, am I the only customer out there who feels guilty for being a customer? I make apologies for being too early, for being five minutes until closing, for ordering an item the kitchen just ran out of (but was still on the menu!), for not flossing my teeth, for seeing the doctor for constipation (sorry to waste your time with poop), for paying with a credit card when the item is worth $1.35, for tracking in mud during mud season, for having to answer the question, "Would you like paper or plastic?" because the organic grocery store expected me to have my own cloth bags, and for not knowing how to reasonably respond to the deli counter attendant when she calls me "mom" as I stand there with my stepson (sorry? what was that? oh no, I'm not his mother. sorry).
I endure all this because it's my calling to be this unappreciatively pathetic. My goal in life is to be the conscientious customer that no one to this day seems to value. Is it so much to expect the service world to look at me when I leave their establishments thinking, "Holy shit. That was the best damn customer I've ever had the pleasure of serving. She even cleaned up the wet toilet paper off the bathroom floor when she went to use the ladies room!" But, alas, no one ever says that (at least not within ear shot). Instead, I immediately relinquish the power I wield as a customer as soon as I open my mouth. I don't gain any advantage by being apologetic, understanding, and accommodating. What happens is that I end up paying for lousy food, a mediocre haircut, and an x-ray that shows my slight intestinal blockage. Am I unable to fully exploit my status as a customer? Yes. I will continue to pay top dollar to be taken for granted. And I'll apologize for every minute of it.